I haven’t written in ages. I feel as though I’m suddenly at a loss for words. Don’t get me wrong, I have a million things going on in my head, an opinion about almost every thing; but nothing concrete, nothing…worth writing about? And even that’s unreal. I’m just doing too many things too quickly. But I like this fast paced world that i’ve entered. Or just realized I’m in. I will write today. I did write today. Even if it was this.
In my recovery
Im a soldier at war
I have broken down walls
I defined, I designed
In the salt of the sea
In the oceans of me
I defined, I designed
I try not to think about you but I’m scared that I might forget.
I’m not a concept. Too many guys think I’m a concept or I complete them or I’m going to make them alive, but I’m just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don’t assign me yours.
Clementine Kruczynski, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
You didn’t love her. You just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just good for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didn’t love her. Because you don’t destroy people you love.
The problem is,
why should that be a problem?
There will be so many days when I’m going to feel like my walls are crumbling all around me and I won’t know how to stop that from happening. Today feels like one of those days.
I think of happy when I think of you
so wherever you are I hope you’re happy
I really do
I hope the stars are kissing your cheeks tonight
I hope you finally found a way to quit smoking
I hope your lungs are open and breathing your life
I hope there’s a kite in your hand
that’s flying all the way up to orion
and you still got a thousand yards of string to let out
I hope you’re smiling
like god is pulling at the corners of your mouth
cause I might be naked and lonely
shaking branches for bones
but I’m still time zones away
from who I was the day before we met.
i can’t seem to stop loving you
even when i don’t remember
why i used to.
this isn’t the same kind of
love it used to be, more
of a warm echo that
becomes sour when
i think of how it ended —
but we were good, right?
for a little bit,
we were good even if
we were never meant to be
blue shirt & khakis
you took up so much space
with your arms spilling over the edges of your chair
& your legs stretched out beside me
but hiding underneath your baseball cap
your hazel eyes made me feel safe.
they told me you were gentle
& made me think your arms would feel
like my new favorite place
& if I were a braver woman
& if it meant I could have kept you
just the way I saw you
I would have kissed you
I should have kissed you